Spiritual Guidance In Our Relationships
Question: Why is a sexual relationship so important in my life?
Adonis: When we think we are in love with someone, no matter how much time we have been with them, there is the assumption that the other feels and cares the same as we do. We may be unselfish in our dealings with them and we think the other feels the same. And when something changes, within ourselves or the other, we fear our romantic journey coming to an end. In fact, we may feel deeply betrayed even though we know life is constantly changing. At such times, we may think there is something wrong with us. So we doubt our value, self-esteem and self-worth. In this critical time our confidence in ourselves is shattered. We may think we are not attractive enough or loving enough and feel that is why the other has lost interest in us.
When we lose sight of ourselves in another romantically or otherwise, instead of living, we are slowly dying inside. To lose ourselves in another is not love but fear and atrophy. Like a withering flower, we grow old, cold-hearted and disgraced. In our relations we may have fallen routine in our expectations in life when we are faced with the ending of the fairytale. After all, romance is to live in fiction when we lean on another for emotional gratification. We may realize we have been trapped in a dream for so long that now it seems a nightmare when it ends.
When we fail to maintain a sense of mystery in the eyes of another, they tend to lose interest in us. Oftentimes, we only want what we feel we do not have. Once conquered, our lovers lose intimate interest in us. After all, romance is a tug of war with all its inducements and entanglements. The relationship may have been a mixture of pleasure and pain, but there was a certain comfort in knowing you had each other as companions to share this life. Sometimes, the story of our life takes an unexpected turn that leaves us baffled and confused. It's up to you to weather any change in life, intelligently.
In romanticism, on one end, it is filled with fear, jealousy and attachment. And on the other, it may be filled with all ones affection, kindness and thoughtfulness. Yet, irrespectively of what we do to please another, there is no assurance they will remain with us. So it is vital that each of us empower ourselves within and not depend on another for compassion and care.
So, why do we stay when there is no love only hurt, sorrow and emotional pain in our relationship? Even the desire to leave or the thought of another leaving us brings pain and anguish. So what is one to do? As long as I am stunned, dazed and confused, there is no clarity. Being unclear, you are uncertain about what to do with your relationship. Through pride and vanity, we lose sight of what we truly are. Our emotions blind us and our distorted views bind us.
Irrespectively of what anyone says about what you should or should not do with your relationship, they do not know what you are going through. So it's up to you to think deeply about your romantic partnership and then drop all thoughts so you may see clearly. And if you should see your life with clarity, that seeing awakens the right answer. Then you will know what to do. It will come not as a decision but an understanding that is clear, complete and fulfilling.
Whether another stays in ones life or not, what is important is to be a whole human being. One who is not psychologically dependent on another for comfort, security or affection. When we are full of love within ourselves, it is that fulfillment that illuminates our lives; alone or with another. When we are vulnerable and receptive to the fullness of life, there is love without measure. It is like a bright beautiful flower that is blossoming within you. This eternal love within will see you through no matter what happens. Then you no longer look for love outside of ones own self through another. If one wants companionship, romantically or otherwise, then it may truly be out of mutual interest and not because of loneliness or psychological dependency. When this spiritual love takes root within you, there is no need to seek another out of desperation or neediness, for now you are whole.
ADONIS ALEXANDER
