spirituality and your romantic life

In romance, quite often many couples find themselves becoming more and more distant from their lover.  Each proclaims to be focusing on pleasing the other.  As a couple, can you cooperate with one another, honestly?  Cooperation comes naturally when we are genuinely interested in the welfare of another.  At first one feels pulled by ones own interests to please the other and then when the continuity of pressure begins to build, we are caught unaware and feel pushed and prodded along like cattle to slaughter by the others interests and demands.  When there is the business of romance and sexual gratification, there is conflict.  Know that this can become overwhelming and torturous.  In the actuality of such a relationship, our sentiments turn quickly to hatred and revulsion.  For all the passion escapes ones relations.  In such, everyday life may be filled with many disappointments which destroy any chance of intimate romance. 

When we come together in a relationship of any kind, there are certain issues that must be addressed to prevent conflict.  Within each of us, we must realize that the other person has their own psychological baggage they are bringing into the relationship in which they have to contend with personally and relationally.  To die of oneself in a relationship does not mean to lose oneself in another.  One must be a whole human being and not someone convinced and persuaded into trying to become someone we are not in order to appease the temperament of another.  Each person must work at being rational and reasonable.  We must all compromise and acclimatize our lives with the other.

Spirituality Beyond The Emotions

Without an outlet, our daily life may cause fatigue, stress and pressure when we feel weighed down by our chores and duties.  This is when many of us become cold, distant and cynical.  Without realizing it, we tend to become indifferent to our spouse or lover. 

Through resistance and resentment, the relationship suffers as neglect breeds regret.  We do not understand that life is under constant change, fluidity and many dynamics.  Through fear and insecurity we fail to gain and maintain a life of our own within the relationship.  For two broken, incomplete human beings do not make a whole.  What is vital is that we each be aware of each others frailties and faults; strengths and weaknesses so that we may complement one another.  And in the meantime, we must also pursue our own passions, dreams and personal interests. 

Through the accumulation of unwanted incidents, our thoughts and feelings become burdensome memories which cause pain in which we long to escape.  Those who once gave our lives meaning is now the cause of us becoming mean-spirited.  Because we are suffering we try to remove the cause of the pain or ourselves from the cause.  Endlessly, we are searching for personal security and happiness. 

Spiritual Living Transcends This Life

In romance, we use the other as a drug and an escape to hide from ourselves.  When something happens to the relationship we become disillusioned.  We are alone in disillusionment.  We don’t know what to do with ourselves.  So we look for someone or something else to cover up our loneliness and despair.  Selfishly, we are searching for someone to complete us, make us whole and permanently make us happy.  Endlessly, we search outside ourselves for what can only be found within.  What is important is to put every aspect of our lives in its proper place.  If you are searching for love in another through romance, the search is futile.  To look anywhere outside of oneself has no meaning.  What we are searching for can not be found in the false.  In Spirituality, love and compassion is not a thing of pleasure and romance.  That comes when you are not trapped in ones conscious self. 

This presence of love comes when you are devoid of self.  Your absence of self opens the door to that presence.  When we are empty of ourselves, there is compassion in our hearts.  When there is love, there is no self to suffer and no sorrow.  One is no longer trapped in the accumulation of pleasant or unpleasant memories.  When at once you are free of oneself and selfishness, freedom and love comes without calling.  And it is that love and compassion within, which beautifies every aspect of ones life. 

ADONIS ALEXANDER

(Author of Secret Sayings of Adonis)