Question: I am in a romantic relationship with another and it is not going anywhere. I thought that we would be together forever. He does not trust me and I do not think he still loves me. How do I get out of this relationship, which seems so impossible to do?
Adonis: One of the most difficult things to face is a situation dealing with the heart. Our romantic feelings have consumed our minds, which prevents clear thinking. Friends and family may say, "Why don’t you get out of it?" What they do not understand is, it is not that easy. There are many factors involved. Of course, there is fear. The fear of whether the other can live without you caring for him and the fear of you not being able to live without him is part of the problem. The fear of not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow and the fear of not being loved by the other person. The psychological attachment you have with one another. There is also the fighting, hatred and distrust. Overall, there is suffering and sorrow whether one stays in the relationship or steps out of it. The next factor is the desire to end the relationship. Part of the problem is, as long as one is confused, any choice one makes is the outcome of confusion. As long as I am confused and I decide to stay inside this relationship or move out of it, whatever I decide it is still a movement of confusion. Not only am I confused with the things around me but also with the things within me. That is a fact. I now realize that no one can help me to be free of this problem. The next thing is I must be free of confusion so that I may respond intelligently. An intelligent human being never chooses. You must act logically and clearly out of direct perception of the facts. For most of us, we lose this ability when the emotional heart enters the mind. In the total action of clear seeing, one acts without looking back, without the fear of any consequences of ones actions. What you must discover is that as long as you are trying to get out of the relationship, you are in fact giving strength to it. The constant turmoil, the pushing in opposite directions leads nowhere.
Spiritual relationship beyond romance
To solve a problem, why do we constantly torment the problem endlessly in our heads? Only when we let go of the problem is there the opportunity for us to find the answer to it. Then there is of course the question of love. Do we know what it means to love? Can we know what it means to love when our hearts are filled with fear and sorrow? The world has taught us what love is but obviously the world does not know. So, one is left completely alone to discover that for oneself. Love is not clinging psychologically to another. Love is not emotional nor is it sentimental. Love has no fear, jealousy or confusion. Love is not a product of the heart or mind. When you at once negate all that is not love, only then may you discover that which fulfills, that which has the power to solve all our problems. It is that love, which acts on the totality of our life. As long as your mind is full of noise, fear and sorrow, how can love enter? There is no space in you for that. Be vacant. Be as empty as a porcelain cup. Because it is empty, it may be filled. Empty your heart and mind, so that all will be clear. When at once you are completely empty and as still as a quiet lake, that compassion comes to you like living water, pouring its sacredness within you. In this, you are completely fulfilled. Please, listen to what is being said with your whole being and you will understand.
The truth is, in spirituality, you must listen within yourself for the compassion and love that transcends mere romantism. Spiritually, one must be free, unconditionally. Then and only then, will you awaken to that glorious presence beyond this life. That which Jesus Christ can not give to you. That which Buddha can not awaken within you. It is this beautiful presence in which words can not describe. This spiritual awakening is beyond pleasure and romance. It is up to you to discover within yourself. Not tomorrow but here and now.
ADONIS ALEXANDER
(Author of 'Secret Sayings of Adonis')
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