spiritual relationship beyond marriage

                              MARRIAGE

Question:  Can real love be found beyond romanticism?

Adonis:  In any romantic relationship, there is trust and distrust.  You can not hold anyone to anything they say.  Especially when one is childish, confused and immature.  Many of us wear masks of maturity because we think that is what society demands of us.  So we play the part.  Often times, we are only infatuated with the idea of a relationship and the married life.  It is merely a fantasy to so many of us.  But, the everyday actualities of such a life become a burdensome thing. 

The impression we may get from another may be all we need to do irrationally whatever we think will make the other person happy.  For personal gain, we may be willing to do anything we can to please another and not necessarily out of our own interest.  For some, our actions are the outcome of what we think the other wants, so unquestionably we comply.  This is a movement of confusion and unclear thinking.  Part of maturity is to be aware of the fact that an immature person may act like they are mature.  But, when one is juvenile and confused, they are too perplexed to realize it.

When we involve ourselves in a relationship, many times the other may not be fully mature.  Like a child, their attention and desires of someone or something is extremely temporal.  Like the wind, at the slightest thing and the thrill is gone.  Like a toy when a child first has it.  He is thrilled with it.  But, in due time, he grows tired of it.  Like so, our lovers, through accumulation of irritations becomes dismayed and disinterested.  So we seek something else to give us the kind of gratification we crave. 

Before nuptials there may be a certain delight.  But, as time goes by, we may grow indifferent.  Our indifferences are the outcome of the actuality of marriage not giving us the psychological satisfaction like the fantasy of marriage.  Being self-absorbed, the relationship becomes a demanding thing in which we came in with the idea of taking and instead discovered it requires giving of ourselves.  It is here we discover that conceit is deceit.  To be full of oneself is self-deception which blinds you.  So our infatuation that we thought was love becomes a tragedy.  We fail to understand ourselves before getting involved with another.  We do not understand that maturity is a psychological ripening process that comes through understanding oneself.  Experience says; there is a certain intellectual understanding through knowledge and past behaviors.  While spiritual wisdom says, you must live and learn as you go along in life.

Spirituality Transcends All Boundaries

When at once that person, place or thing no longer provides us the pleasure that we long for, it becomes a bore, chore and burdensome affair.  In such an arrangement we discover that pleasure is pain and pain is pleasure.  But spiritual love is neither of these things.  For all that belongs to the flesh, while love transcends mind and body.  Only when we understand ourselves within do we discover what it means to be at peace with ourselves and others.  When there is love there is peace within, which transcends all things.  Then you are no longer waiting for another to love you.  The spiritual love you seek comes from within. 

ADONIS ALEXANDER
(Author of Secret Sayings of Adonis)

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