spiritual experience

Question:  Can you tell me of your personal spiritual experiences?

Adonis:  The other day when I was talking to an old friend, that sacredness came without warning, without provocation.   This intense blessing pouring into my presence is beauty, love, joy.  I asked the woman that I was speaking with did she feel that presence and she said, yes, I feel it completely.  Then she says, so, is this what you have been trying to tell me about for so many years?  I said, yes, as my whole being became strangely still and tranquil. 

At times, it seems a heavy burden to bear.  I have a secret, I want to share it, and there is no one to understand.  This means, I must find the right expression to point this out to the whole world.  Seriously, whenever someone actually begins to understand me, I could feel it.  So many people will pretend they understand, but I can feel the difference.  Superficiality will not lead you to the door.  The woman whom I was speaking with was always interested in spirituality but as she says, she could never experience anything genuine.  She has always been very honest about that.  She goes to church everyday and she feels that she does not understand anything beyond the physical plane.  Many years ago, when my awakening took place, they all rejected me as a heathen, pagan and you know the rest.  Now, most people whom I have spoken to for the past few years, come to me saying, I do not fully understand what you are saying but I can feel the truth of it, now.  Therefore, I say, just function from where you are.  Do not accept or reject what I say, simply work on your own understanding.

How did this awaken within me?  I do not know if that is a right question.  From this point of view, this just not put correctly.  Nonetheless, some speculate that because most of my life I always indulged in oriental arts and therefore the Chinese and Japanese influence caused this to awaken within me.  I wholeheartedly doubt this assertion all together.  I was aware of this strange silence within me before my endeavors into oriental and dance arts.  So, in spite of all this, there is this mysterious silence, a quietude beyond all causes that is forever with me.  Nothing gave this to me.  This is my say on all this seeking for a reason or cause of awakening.

Many people think I had a certain advantage because since my youth I lived a silent life. All my life I lived quietly and was always contemplating inwardly, unintentionally.  I was never trained in any spiritual disciplines at all.  I could feel this mysterious silence within and around me since the age of about seven.  Therefore, some may say, of course having such a young predisposition towards spirituality, the reality of life would come to me without much venture.  All I would say is that there is nothing special or different about another and me.  All such speculations are unfounded.  There is only this strange emptiness, this quietude within me, in which I cannot put into words.  How can I explain to someone what it is like that my head rarely makes any noise?

Question:  When you say let whatever happens in your psyche, just observe it so that there is no suppression, can you go deeper into that?

Adonis:  It is to live without arresting or correcting ones state of being.  That is how I burn every psychological hang-up.  Within the purity of perception of every thought and feeling, there is no suppression and no repression.  Then the mind is untouched by pretension in which one can be a real human being.  When you are sad, be sad.  Not trying to be other than what you are. When angry, be angry.  However, if you try to push it away, what is the entity that is pushing away the sadness, anger, loneliness and fear.  Only in effortlessness are we free of all the minds snares and entrapments.

Question:  I want you to know that so far I am well satisfied with our dialogue, because you have put me to think and added to what I already know, I am very pleased and you are a brilliant man.  I am overwhelmed and I am feeding my spiritual being.  The other day you had mentioned that when we feel a slight pressure or discomfort in the head when involved in deep inquiry of spiritual matters, this pain in my brain takes place.  Can you tell me why?

Adonis:  Because certain aspects of the brain are being activated and put in order. The human brain, being put to sleep for so long by the constant movement of habit and repetition is now being changed when we give deep thought and inquiry.  Thought is being put in its proper place instead of clouding and distorting our perception.  The head is now being used holistically and it is being cleansed, made vacant so the sacred may come into your very being.

Only in emptiness is there the seeing clearly into life.  The Sayings have come to burn you away so the sacred may come like a thief in the night, when you least expect it, when 'you' are not there.  When your inner being is vacant only then can that sacred essence come to you.  Simply understand that, when we have never used our whole brain, initially the transformation of the brain is being activated and that is all.

Adonis Alexander
(Author of Secret Sayings of Adonis)

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